November 18, 2012
Late at night, right before bed I attempted to journey by myself for the first time. It was a lot harder to focus without the energy of the group and most importantly the drumming.
As I lay there and focussed on my breathing, this wave came over me and I could actually hear the drum in my head, exactly as it were when I was learning at the workshop.
I found it much harder to get to my entry point in Lake Superior. I actually had to leave my city, hit the highway and travel there instead of just ending up there like before. When I crossed the border into Ontario, snow started falling and by the time I arrived at the lake, it was frozen. I knew I wouldn’t be accessing the lower world in this journey. I also didn’t feel it was right to go to the upper world either, so I stayed in the middle world.
I somehow ended up in the land of the dead.
I felt a presence and asked it to identify itself. It was my grandfather and he seemed genuinely happy to see me (he had Alzheimer ’s disease and often didn’t recognize his family towards the end, so that alone was great relief). I offered him the piece of his old schoolhouse that my sister had brought me back from the Ukraine when she went to visit his old village with my aunts and cousin the year before. He told me how incredibly meaningful that was to him and how absolutely honoured he felt when my family travelled half-way across the world to see where he grew up, a place he always told stories about. I told him I loved him and that I was so thankful to see him. I gave him a hug and he left.
The next person to appear was my father who passed away when I was three years old. When I realized who it was I instantly began to cry in spirit, and my physical body. I told him that it was great to finally meet him and that I love him even though I resented him most of my life for choosing alcohol over his family and dying tragically. He began to explain to me that he and I were each other’s spirit guides and that when one of us is alive in this realm, the other one dies to watch over them from the spirit world. He told me that he will be incarnated again and three years later, I will die. He actually gave me a specific year of his incarnation which was 2064 meaning the end of my life will come in the year 2067 (I guess we’ll have to wait and see, I’ll be 83 years old then). He explained to me how similar in nature he and I were and I began to see how right he was. One very powerful message he had was not to make the same mistakes he did, a lesson I already got on the 25th anniversary of his death earlier this year. He reminded me that the last time I saw him was 3 days after he died (my mother always tells me this story) when I woke up next to her and started walking towards the edge of the bed (it was several feet off the ground and most likely would have been a painful fall for a three-year-old). She asked me where I was going and I told her, “with Dad”, a term that I had never used before (he left while I was still an infant). He reminded me that the spirit world transcends the space and time that we have in our ordinary reality and that he actually died so that the course of my life would be exactly how it should be. I felt nothing but pure appreciation and love for him and gave him a hug. From there, I looked around and noticed that he wasn’t in the nicest surroundings. It wasn’t “hell” but certainly was no one’s idea of heaven either. He told me, “I’m fine here, seriously.” He assured me that “its okay” and I assured him that I knew it wasn’t and I knew he hadn’t fully crossed-over yet. We were in some kind of hotel, and I took his hand and walked him through the bar and outside where we suddenly beside an old country house surrounded by beautiful scenery, the warm sun and flourishing nature. I said, “Isn’t this better?” but he refused to let go of my hand, much like a child not wanting to let go of their parent. I told him, “You have to let go, we aren’t meant to be in the same place together, remember?” He said, “I know.” With a frown on his face and said, “I just miss you.” We both began to cry and he slowly let go of my hand (I felt the sensation in my physical body as well). I assured him that it wouldn’t be another 25 years before we met again now that I know how to journey. He smiled and said goodbye and I thanked him for the experience.
The third person that showed up ended up barging in almost immediately, it was my grandmother. “What are you doing here?” she asked. “I came to say hello!” I told her. She reminded me of when she was alive how much she loved it when I came to her house just to say “hello”. She was so happy to see me, absolutely radiating with happiness. It was a very light-hearted and happy visit. She still had her grey hair but her spirit seemed much more lively and free to move around (I’m glad for her they don’t have arthritis in the spirit world). The only real message she had was for me to take better care of myself. She pleaded me. I assured her that I would (like “okay grandma” as you half roll your eyes). I gave her a huge hug and told her how happy I was to see her and thanked her for showing up.
I was so happy after this that I just took a moment to breathe and enjoy my happiness. I could still hear the drum in my head.
It was at this point that a beautiful girl appeared to me coming from my left side. She had a beautiful headpiece on that was silver with jewels on it. She had long dark hair and big brown eyes. She was stunning. I asked her name and she said, “My name is Suriyama”. The moment she said her name I was reminded that her and I had a connection, that at some point in a past life we were in love and that she was here as a spirit to heal me. She was just a very gentle, kind, loving and beautiful spirit. I felt so “at home” in her presence like her and I were meant to be together and she assured me that someday we would. She began to massage my shoulders and I could see and feel her energy surround me like a vortex. I just completely relaxed and let this wonderful energy take over my body. Our souls danced with each other and she and I became one combined force. Her name still rings in my head, “Suriyama”. She healed me, loved me and assured me that everything was perfect. I told her how deeply I loved her and how thankful I was to “meet” her again.
At this point the drumming in my head sped up and I knew this was my “callback”.
I returned myself to this world, face still wet with tears and wrote down the name, “Suriyama” which has become my mantra.